Posted on 2007.09.16 at 13:30
I'm not much of an LJ-er anymore, but who knows. I may re-fire up this baby if I'm not feeling too particularily lazy.
I'm still with my Master and, yay, we're closer than ever to me moving in! The best is yet to come. I'm not allowed to say much for a variety of reasons, but someday things will start being less secretive and more open. For the time being- I'm alive, still owned, and still happy as ever!
Posted on 2007.03.01 at 02:12
It was supposed to be simple- painful, but, not the way it happened to turn out. Regular ol' clamps, my nipples, and some rough hair pulling. The minute I slipped my clamps on, I knew...I knew that it was going to be a test. I don't think he or I planned on it, but it happened that way.
The clamps bit hard, harder than they've ever bitten onto me that I can ever recall. I was holding back screams and urges to take them off, or momentarily lessen the grip. But no, I kept my hands away and curled my fingers into my palms, refusing to disobey my Master the pleasure of my horrific pain. My ears rang and as I kneeled, I could feel my skin cast a slight glimmer of sweat from the effort I was forcing. He watched me cry and scream into my hand before and after I obediently twisted, shifted to the ground for him, and pulled at my hair. I told him it hurt worse than ever before, and he was glad of it. Half of me was screaming, begging him to release me, but the other half submitted calmly, squirming beneath his malicious intent. I was his puppet, and I would dare not set my unworthy hands on what gave me pain, not until he released me with words.
I don't know how long I sat there for him, kneeling with mouth wide open, tongue sticking out, hair clutched tighter than I've ever held it, knees casting an obtuse angle. It seemed like eternity while I became lightheaded from the pain, tears streaming down my face (and do note that it is rather hard to get me to actually tear up from pain. I may sob, but I rarely shed tears). All I was missing in that moment was the gift of his cock shoved deep into my throat while I writhed below him, my strength tested.
However, it was not forever. I was released, where I quickly leaned forward to catch myself from nearly blacking out for the second time, and pulled off my clamps slowly, feeling the sting as flesh regenerated from the hard-press. At that moment, I felt my entire body begin to shake as if I were something fragile. My legs did not work, and my mind was thrown into a surreal state of submission. I told him that I wished he could be there to hold me while I shook, pushed beyond my capacity for pain, but loving it. Being so far away, I received praise as a substitute which, given our situation, was more than adequate. I rested until I could walk and my shaking had subsided.
I love my Master. He pushes me to handle things I never knew I could. He tests my strength, my submission, and trusts that I will always inform him when I can feel if something is wrong. I am the luckiest slave, I am convinced. I would never have taken that pain for anyone else, but he drives the will from me and the desire to please him. I love him more than I can ever express, and I serve him as a very happy, worthless throatwhore.
Posted on 2007.02.23 at 13:22
I've been neglecting this poor thing due to my super busy schedule lately. Luckily I have the time to sit down and write about some very evil events that have happened recently.
For one, my diet is still in order. I am a lover of Beef Ramen, and Master wouldn't let me have any! Instead, I was allowed to eat Eggplant parmesan, which actually isn't all that bad. I also drank some Ovalteen for the added boost of vitamins they have in there. Earlier that day I had one chocolate covered banana and a tall glass of orange juice. Later on last night I nibbled on a small bowl of tuna noodle casserole. All in all, I really didn't have that much to eat! I need to obtain some imitation crab so I can make my "sushi salad" with vinegar-ed rice. It's very low calorie and extremely filling. I'm waiting for my Master to sign on again so I can discuss the meal plan for me today since I did not get a chance to last night. And the reason for that is...
I was being tortured!
I was given the task of making five videos for him, all including me being tortured. Unfortunately two of them did not meet his standards, but my last two in the set of five pleased him very, very much. I was slapping my tits as hard as I could in the first good one, and then in the second one I strung a doe-skin string through my clamps and gave them a good, hearty tug before continuing the slapping. After that, I had the task of making two more to replace the two that were not up to par.
The first one I put in a good bit of hair yanking while I slapped, which he seemed to enjoy, and the second one, well, I took that 'pully' idea a step further.
Taking the silk belt to my robe, I strung it through my clamps just as I did the doe-skin string. After that, I tied a knot between the two ends, right in the center, and put that knotted part in my mouth. After that, I tied the loose ends behind my head to secure the 'gag' part (so I couldn't spit it out). With that, every time I'd lift my head, I'd pull on my clamps. So as the movie recording begins, I lift my head, drop it a little, and lift it again before slapping, then I lift harder, and continue slapping even though the pain is soaring through me.
Master really liked this idea, so much that he made me do it again, but closer! Oh, my poor nipples are extremely sore, but I feel as if my 'submissive volume' has been turned up, haha.
Posted on 2007.01.27 at 02:23
I have yet to detail the major night in which my owner and I delved into our true passion- very rough, close, evil torture.
I knew it was going to be a rough night for me when my Master pulled out the ropes that would tie my hands securely behind my back. My eyes glittered and my skin began to glow, but it was just the beginning. I looked up at him and he smiled, waving his hand to the bed once he had finished tieing me and locking my collar onto my neck. I stood and he pushed me, causing me to drop onto the mattress. I was lead by my hair to the edge of the bed, and Master pulled one of my pairs of clean socks from my suitcase. I knew what he was going to do with it.
"Open" was all he said. I obeyed, knowing that the more I disobeyed the worst my outcome would be. He stuffed the wad into my wide, open mouth to the point where I gagged before wrapping a scarf around my mouth and clinching it tightly so as to keep me from spitting it back out. When Master left the room and into the bathroom, I knew immediately what he was looking for- my flat brush. However, he could not find it. I knew where it was, but I dreaded telling him. He found it hidden beneath the bed and his eyes lit like smoldering coals.
"Did you hide this from me?"
I shook my head furiously, but I knew, and he knew, it was a lie. I had slid it under the bed so he wouldn't get the idea. For that I paid dearly. He hit my backside with it, once, twice...I lost count. I was screaming into my gag as he swung his arm and I felt the sting over and over, riddling my body with pain. He scolded me, grabbing my hair so that my neck twisted back and my teary eyes faced him. Guilty. He released my hair and continued the punishment. Once the punishment was over, he would torture me. I knew this.
I could feel the bed move as he climbed onto it next to me. He leaned down to see my face before he began. I knew he was checking on me as well as taking in the view of my face twisted in fear. When he dissapeared from my line of sight, I felt the pain being inflicted on me again. I screamed so hard into the gag, and a few times I didn't think I could take much more, but there was nothing I could do. I was his toy- his slave and his art. I cried for the first time from the pain and I loved him even more for the life he helped me to feel.
When the beating ended, I stood and examined myself after being allowed to spit out the "gag". I was red all across my backside and already beginning to bruise. I could feel the moisture between my legs steadily increase. I kneeled before my Master and took him eagerly into my mouth, and then into my throat. While he groaned and called me a slut, I pushed him down harder, driving him deeper and deeper into my throat until my nose pressed against his pelvic zone. I love to please my Master this way because I know he loves it. Master says that out of all the BJs he's recieved, I've definitely improved to his favorite. I was very happy to know that I please him so well.
Halfway through the skull fucking he pushed me onto the bed and shoved his cock right into my pussy. It hurt so badly when he entered that I at first thought he had torn something, but as he began to push into me I could feel the pain and pleasure mix into a very enjoyable sensation. I accidentally came once and was slapped. You see, I'm very sensitive inside and often orgasm over and over and over. Some nights when I play alone I have difficulty getting to a point where I no longer orgasm. I dry up after some time, but dryness never equates to completed satisfaction. However, Master gave me more than one orgasm even though I was a bad girl. He pulled at my hair like reigns as I came again, preventing me from being able to moan and scream with pleasure. I was allowed only two, and once I confirmed to my Master that I did orgasm (as I am required to beg to be allowed such an enjoyment), he immediately made me stuff his cunt-coated cock into my mouth. It was difficult at first as the taste of fluids, whether it be cum or cunt, does not appeal to me, but I did as he said. Even when I do not like something, I do as my Master says. I trust his judgement, and moreover, I trust him. Needless to say, he came hard into my mouth and I swallowed every last drop like a good girl.
After we cleaned up, I curled up against my Master and felt safe with him. He is the perfect Master for me. I am so lucky to be his slave. He dominates me and shows me he loves me constantly. I guess it helps that I'm a very obedient slave to him and wish to constantly please him. It feels good, and good is certainly how a slave should feel :)
Posted on 2007.01.22 at 00:21
When I went to visit my Master, I underwent a variety of punishments. Some are a little more memorable than others, but all of them are certainly punishments by definition.
I think my worst fears, as far as punishments go, are being paddled, cold being used against me, and of course humiliation. All of these were utilized against me while I was in his presence.
There were several occurances where he'd make me hold still so as to swat me on the backside with the flat of my hairbrush. It frightened me to the point where I was nearly in tears everytime he got ready to hit me. I would practically climb any surface around me to try and get away, but of course, my submission kept me obedient to his command to stay put. Of course, there was one point where I was paddled for a long, hard time, but that story comes later.
Master threatened to make me take nothing but cold showers. I never took one, but that doesn't mean he didn't use cold against me. I was very lucky not to have ice melted on me or put inside of me. Unfortunately, I had to stand in front of the blowing AC more than once, and on I believe almost every occasion I was also wet from a shower. I shivered and whimpered, begging to move away from the AC, but he kept me there. More than him leaving me there, he made me stay on my own, forcing me to exercise self restraint.
There isn't a moment that Master doesn't take to completely humiliate me. For instance, if I'm drooling or if my nose is running while I'm sucking his cock or enduring a torture session, he'd wipe me clean while mentioning what a disgusting whore I was. It embarasses me very much, but he knew that. He knows how to bring his pathetic little object to her knees.
And all of this is just the tip of the iceberg.
Posted on 2007.01.20 at 13:19
Master is now monitoring my diet a little more closely. I had what I call a 'lazy day' or a 'veg day' where I pretty much did nothing but eat and lounge around. With his plans to create a pornographic site, he wasn't very thrilled with the news. So he laid down a few rules: before I am allowed to shower, I have to exercise, and before I'm allowed to shower, I must ask him if I may. Essentially- if I don't exercise, I don't shower, which is really gross to me! I take showering and brushing the teeth very seriously, but I'm not OCD about it.
So this is my meal plan so far:
1/2 home made hamburger
As much salad as I want (with minimal dressing)
And then of course for dinner I must watch myself. I am only allowed a few chips since I recently discovered the Sweet Spicy Chili doritos and have been munching rabidly on those. They almost taste like curry! It's so very good.
This reminds me of my obedience toward him. Before he would step into the shower or go out to do something, he'd take a look around the room and say, "Do dishes, clean up, and do this." I obeyed him quickly and quietly, even if I didn't want to do it (most often I did because I like to have dishes done anyway and I like to please him ^^). He was usually satisfied when he came back. The only time he was not was when I forgot a glass on the end table, and I got a good swat on my bottom for that.
Disobeying was usually not a very pleasant process for me, but there were times when we'd both erupt into laughter. Sometimes the laughter (or something hilarious we'd both say) would end the barrage of slaps and result in us cuddling, or if he was truly serious he'd simply keep going harder and harder until I stopped laughing altogether. I have the unfortunate issue of when something hurts (that's not bone breaking, burning, etc) I tend to laugh. When this started is when my parents stopped using spankings as discipline punishments. Just thinking about it is making me chuckle. The good news is this never prevented me from carrying out my duties, it just added a little hilarious sunshine into the mix.
Posted on 2007.01.19 at 01:38
I am not a sex slave, by definition. If I were, my life would be easier. I am not a tied up, whimpering morsel waiting to be treated to a nice, hard cock while my hair is getting pulled. On the contrary- I rarely am allowed to enjoy such pleasures. I am a house slave, a pain slut, and a throat whore. I cook, clean, do laundry, endure whatever evil devices Master wishes to deliver onto my poor body, and I take him deep into my throat until he cums, pleased with my performance. Even though it seems as if I have it easy, I do not. Master is constantly inventing new ways to humiliate and push me over the limit.
Throughout the entire visit I have undergone his idea of a sick, twisted game. I would stand at the kitchen sink, washing dishes or preparing that night's dinner, and he'd stand behind me with some evil device (hairbrush or whiplike object) and hit me with it. I screamed, I begged, I flinched, and Master laughed with amusement as his little slut danced across the kitchen, trying to avoid the oncoming pain to complete the task at hand. It wasn't just beating. I was choked many, many, many times. A firm arm curled around my throat, forcing me back and to the balls of my feet as he pressed down and rid me of breath. More than once was I interrupted from something I enjoy- eating, getting a glass of drink, or watching the television, to perform a task for him or, as he so enjoys doing, I would simply stop because he would say to. For example, I was getting a glass of applejuice from the fridge...
Master: Did I say you could have that?
Me: ::Staring wide eyed while shifting uncomfortably on the cold tile floor::
Master: Put it back.
Me: Yes sir...
I put the glass back, and there it sat for two days. I was allowed to drink it later, but only when he said I could. I could be sitting at the table, ready to take a bite of that night's meal when he'd tell me to but my utensil down. I'd sit there and wait, hungry, watching him eat until I was allowed to finally take a bite. Though I portrayed a disheartened expression, I cannot help but feel an overwhelming sense of joy when I know that I am at the command of my Master. There was even an instance when we had bought a giant crunch bar to share that I was only allowed to eat my half when he said I could.
There is so much that happened. These paragraphs seem to do the events that occured no justice, but it's just as well. As much as I wish I could share every sensation, I can not. It's impossible to share an instance and expect the same interpretation of it, but I do know that I feel it as it should be felt, and it is amazing.
Posted on 2007.01.17 at 15:31
I went to visit my Master recently and so much happened that I can't fit it all into one post, even a lengthy one. It's simply too much and I know I will forget some bits and pieces that are important.
So, day one started out very nicely. I was picked up from the airport and we made idle chat while we went to the hotel room. When we got in I ran around setting up my belongings where I needed them. After that, I was immediately stripped of my clothing with my face pressed firmly into the crotch of his pants. I nuzzled eagerly, wanting to show Master that I was here to serve him. It wasn't long before I had his cock in my mouth. My throat was fucked so hard that, somehow, my tooth wore a small wound into his cock. It was painful for him after he fucked my face. We laughed about it a lot and ended up going again later that night, but this time I engaged him at a different angle. It was the beginning of twelve days of face fucking.
I shouldn't forget to mention that I was being constantly hit. He'd slap me over and over and hit me anywhere he felt. He even found a good way to keep my hands out of the way when he'd busily pull me into a tight position and beat me.
This is just one of many, many, many updates.
Posted on 2006.07.11 at 22:43
I have done and gone through a lot these past years, touching upon servitude at the young age of 13, experiencing a form of happiness that is questioned by many. From that age, all the way to the age I am now (almost 20), I've gone through many changes and transformations as a person who honors and covets the title of being a slave.
The older I grow, the more I realize how much happiness can be found in servitude. However, my fullest happiness comes from serving and recieving feedback. If I need to adjust something and my owners wish it of me, I adjust it until they are satisfied. If they enjoy my servitude, then I feel pride and joy in their own.
Recently my submission felt splattered, not whole. I did not feel content that I was submitting myself enough, that I was being who I really am deep down inside. I felt like a lie, a fake, and completely out of tune. I was getting into arguments, feeling depressed, and feeling completely out of whack. It is only recently that I fell back into my submission that keeps me at peace of mind and allows me to focus day to day on the important things. I am being who I truly am now, submitting myself and reminding me that I am a slave. That is my true persona, that is where I feel happiness and fullfillment because it opens me up to accomplishment, pleasure, self worth, and above all a love so deep and powerful that it lifts me from the core and helps me hold my head high with the knowledge that I am who I am, and it pleases me to be that.
I am lucky to have owners who are also pleased by this. My Miss has always told me she wants a slave who is gently submissive, who chooses to be submissive. I believe, also, she wants a slave who finds pride in her submission, empowerment and a sense of satisfaction. Master has always told me he wants a slave to do as he says and please him in every task. He has two slaves, however, and we both have different spots toward his liking. Master enjoys both of our submissive qualities, and mine is to endure every ounce of energy he has in abusing me (consensual abuse). I am his painslut, and Miss is his cockslut. I am lucky if I am allowed any degree of physical pleasure from Master and Miss. They have told me they want a slave who can be herself and make her own choices and decisions, and here I am. This is me.
There are still many years for me to journey through, and through those years I will lift myself to be their beloved pet, through pain and pampering, I do as they please and live my life, happily, at their feet.
~Friends only, comment to be added~
Posted on 2006.01.26 at 23:33
Check lists are not only cool and convenient, but they're also fun to fill out! The hilarious thing is that mine and my Master's checklists are practically identical save for the areas where he does not apply (example: recieving cunnilingus)( Cut for your convenience!Collapse )
I'm supposed to be getting tortured tonight, unfortunately for me! Let's hope it's not too bad. Master says I'm going to be in for it. :(